Free write

Hey y'all, I'll be posting a free write / poem/ spoken word once every two weeks on my blog. 

I haven't written much poetry or free writes in a while and I truly just miss it. 

Hope you enjoy.

         Hurt

Angry, 

when you have no control of what's pumping through your veins & 

Your sick of these comments that are all driving you insane. 

When the woman in your life, that you want to make happy and proud

she chooses when to love you & chooses when to stomp on you.

When you give her advice because you want to see her happy, but she's stuck & she knows it & she chooses to stay there, in that same situation

When there is opportunity to be loved - to love. But her heart is on hold-

On lock down& you can't even calm her down

Because it's offensive because you are wrong, because you always do the evil or the bad in the eyes of God-

Because your career isn't sh*# and you might as well be a striper since you carry no dignity & respect according to her.

Because you don't work hard enough and you don't make a living, or have a real job that will be proven on your taxes.

Because your younger and stupid & apparently don't know anything about life.

But being you.

It's not enough, it's a crime, since speaking your mind is a violation. 

Not determination. Of life

A sickness a disease of trying to show your own mother love and share real happiness in her very own light.

But it's reject e d-

& all you can do is love her. 

Forgiveness is Hard Enough, but is it?

I have been doing a lot of reminiscing and thinking back to situations when I was younger that use to make me mad. No matter what the situation is, I know now we have no control over what and how people react and do things.  Because at the end of any situation in life we always have a choice.

Yes, i said it. A CHOICE. A move we can make.

I am an analyzer, and also a libra lol. So before I make any move I really have to think about situations.

But this isn't about me.  It's more about forgiving yourself after an argument or something you did that hurt another person.

You must be thinking, "Forgiving yourself? Alba don't you mean forgiving the other person that made you upset?"

Well yes, you have to (or choose to) forgive them, but before you forgive them, you MUST really forgive yourself. How can forgiving yourself help you?

Lets first start with letting that tension go.  Getting angry takes away more energy than being happy. Its a fact.  So while your upset about a situation that you can't really control or if its not going the way you planned, you are already wasting your energy mad about it then really trying to solve it or let it go in its own direction.

May sound a little confusing, but observe another fight or situation you or someone else may be in, and you will see! I promise.

I am going to share with you a VERY personal story, that made me feel mad, upset, angry, pissed, sad, ... EVERYTHING.

I was a senior in high school, and graduation was coming up. In about 4-5 days. My class and I were going on senior trips, excited for the big day. That Wednesday our class was going paint balling. While everyone was outside getting their cars ready, some one told me my principal was looking for me. I got called into the principals office to face the worst news of my life (at that moment).

*Mind you,  during my college application phase earlier that year, I literally kept receiving rejection after rejection. No acceptances, but 2 out of my list. I was frustrated and depressed. Seeing all my friends get acceptances while I was getting rejected was probably the hardest. Going to a College Prep school wasn't helping the situation in any way.  I ended up getting a full scholarship to do a gap year in Brazil (which was my life saver at such a down peak). *Happy dance*

But back to the story. My principal told me I wouldn't be graduating with my class (which was 2 days BEFORE graduadtion).  Because of an end of the year research paper in which I failed by TWO points. (I never failed a class in my whole middle-high school life)... I broke down, I pleaded to just walk on the aisle with an empty diploma and make up my paper.

She didn't budge. What I wanted most in my life at the time was my dad to see me cross the stage. He moved to Florida when I was 11 and he was traveling to my hometown, Boston for my graduation. I kid you not, that is all I wanted, to hear the words "I am proud."

I committed to my middle and high school so much; throughout my passion of clubs and any leadership roles I can grasp. And I never failed a class before! Never would I have thought I wouldn't have walked with my class.

The point? Well after that situation, I HATED every teacher in my school that existed. I felt like they looked down on me because:

 a) I wasn't going straight into college
 b) I didn't graduate with my class

I felt like everyone was against me. My parents didn't understand, my family was not really supportive of me going off for a year out of the country. It felt like everything was just going down hill.

But once I left the U.S, I realized I still held a lot of that hate within me. And I kid you not I felt it in my chest like a big ball wanting to just explode. And thats exactly what I did.  I talked about the situation with my friends abroad and just cried. I yelled, I swam in the water to let all that held in energy completely go...FREE. But what really helped me was writing.

I chose to forgive myself, and remind myself that I did nothing wrong. That I am valuable and I am unique. Remind myself, that my path may be the one I hadn't planned, but it sure was going to make me happy no matter what problem came across.

Then little by little I began to forgive everyone else. Not like I told them "I forgive you".  But in my sanctuary place. Where only I knew.  I had truly forgave them and did not keep ahold of any sort of grudge. Didn't happen over night, but over months.

There is always an outlet. You just have to find your own outlet, the one that truly frees you from any sort of negative energy that YOU do not really need in your life to truly be happy.

The challenge is to be aware and consistent with forgiveness. There is always a challenge you can over come.


Peace&Love,

Alba

10 things you can do before sunrise

Many of us complain that we never have enough time in the day to do the things we want. It is very false. We have 24 hours every day to accomplish all that we desire. The difference about 'making time' is you have to sacrifice something to make little changes become stronger.

E.g- If you want to get in shape and work a 9-5 job, knowing you usually are exhausted after work.. maybe you should wake up earlier and work out for at least 15-30 minutes daily. Think about it, these little 15-30 minutes daily can actually impact your body and health by being consistent and pushing yourself just a little bit. It can guide you to a better you.

Here is a list of 10 things me and my sis came up with to do before sunrise. There is no particular order. (And if you don't know when your sunrise is, check the weather guide the day before to plan ahead!)

FYI you can do more than 1 of these things, 5-10 minutes banging out at least three is a good start. No pressure at all, go at your pace, but if you want a change you must start small first.

1) Meditate, some people think you have to meditate for a long period of time, in actuality you can meditate for however long you want. Just be in the moment.
2) Write your thoughts or gratitude in your journal (if you don't have one, get one! Observing where your thoughts are every day can help you turn more to the positive side.)
3) Make a toDAY-do list
4) Read, an interesting book, a new series, anything that interests you and will inspire you to be an awesome YOU!
5) Work out
6) Make breakfast
7) Paint, sketch, doodle anything creative that comes to your finger tips! Adults can be kids too.
8) Take a yoga class (@ Yoga to the people for my New York & Cali people! Check out their site for more info)
9) Reach out to a loved one via email, text, phone and tell them you appreciate them in your life, let them know they are not alone, and wish them a beautiful blessed day.
10) Prepare your meal for the day. Wanting to save money but find yourself not having enough time to make your lunch the day before, do it the morning!

Showering thinking?!

I've been thinking a lot lately. Going back to when I started this blog, I had no idea what I really wanted to focus on. I figured it would come around later. But doing research on how blogs can be successful, the first point made was always to pick your focus, your theme, whatever you want to call it.

I couldn't do it. I love talking or writing about anything and everything. That's when I realized I could never just pick one thing! 

But recently (these thoughts have been in the shower! You know when you have those heart to heart with yourself in the shower haha!) I've understood what I've been writing about most of this "life's" blog. (Not Very long and consistent but I'm trying here!) 

It's been about my passion all along and I didn't even know it. 

LIFE - I've been sharing my own thoughts and experiences on this beautiful journey that we all share in common, life.

I have officially accepted it and made it clear in my brain so I can continue sharing more experiences that I encounter or thoughts that I ponder about. Because what is there to lose? 

If I have 2 readers or 1000 readers, I want to convey my journey on our Mother Earth. And connect with you.

Because it isn't easy, putting ones thoughts out there. So kudos to many of those writers/bloggers/vloggers that share so many personal  experiences to the world.  Many people don't understand that half the time we feel doubtful on what others may think. But trying does not hurt, it's conquering your fear that feels like a champion! 

It is as being on stage, living life and sharing a piece of you with others...(as an actress ;) or not lol) It's Not easy and takes tons of courage.

Have an idea or perspective? Find a creative outlet to let your mind become free, creative, & artistic. 

Peace&love,

Alba

Winter.. is it over?

Hey guys,

Lately the weather has been acting crazy.. wait a minute actually its been acting crazy for along time. But there is this one thing that really bothers me and I just don't understand it at all.

I understand with fashion week and how they are always ahead of the seasons and all. (actually thats a lie lol, I have no freaking idea).

But retail stores piss me off! After the whole 'Holiday sales' Bullsh*, not even a month after January, all the retail stores post up Winter Clearance and Sale signs?!

Do they not realize that it is still under 30 degrees outside and winter is not literally over?!

Winter it is actually over on March 19th..and even then it is still cold! To be technical here.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. 

In America, all the commercial life is all about living in the future. Seriously. We adapt so easily to it, that we do not even notice it surrounding us. We become like zombies, brainwashed and dead to the reality. How can we always plan for the future if we do not find a solution for the present issues in our country that are caused from the past? What sense does that make.. Really.

Americans crave buying and selling. Thats just a fact, to its own people or not. Consuming is an addiction. An addiction that causes trouble. Then people wonder why they are in so much debt? More than two credit cards, buying at least one unneeded item once a day… even coffee.

Now a days holidays have no real sentimental; because our youngest generation- already ask or have the technology that was just released by big companies. Growing up, wanting what every other kid has can be tuff,  and understandable. But parents should not forget to teach their kids value and appreciation. But thats another post…

On the bright side, s good thing from those early clearances are for us people in the cold area, to find cheaper sweaters that were overly priced and still keep cozy!

Be a smart shopper :)

Peace&Love,
Alba

Boys will be boys?

Happy Tuesday!

For all my ladies out there,

Did you ever have a conversation with one of your friends talking about a guy that you both had a crush on? Or have you ever wondered if any guy had a crush on you and your friend? How would you react? Would you tell your friend? What if he tried to talk to you and your friend at the same time? What would you really do?

These awkward situations are the worst I tell you. But how you react is the most important part. Being loyal to your friend or family member. Just be honest.

Even if you don't like the guy communication is key. To him AND your friend.  This all came about the other day.

A couple weeks ago I went out with my sister to an event. It was an amazing event, tons of people all kinds- artists, dancers, singer, EVERYTHANG! I was talking to other people, meeting new people, you know the usual when you go out and want to make new friends!

I go to another part of the event and mingle and my sister goes to another part to mingle and by the end of the night we gave out our contact information to a couple of people.

We leave all happy and yuppie because it was super fun! A couple days later some guy txts me from the event and I'm like 'hey wassup!'( The thing is the whole time I thought it was one of the girls I met that night. But I was wrong in the end. It was a guy though.. ) Conversations just rolling by, just being friendly you know? BUT now a days people take friendliness and being nice for flirting! (PSHHH YEAH OK DUDE RELAX).

So this guy is trying to meet up and hang. But I've been busy working and doing other stuff. I told my sister this guy is texting me non-stop from the other night and she's like 'stop texting lol.' But I feel weird being indirect. One hour later she texts me and tells me the same guy is trying to hang out with her now!!

In theory, the guy texted my sister because of the rejection from being able to hang out with me….?

The guy, forgetting she was my sister, (since we were doing our own things that night of the event,) the guy must of thought he was being all slick and gangstaaaa but HOMIE YOU GOT CAUGHT. *gun shots* just kidding!

The thing is, boys will boys and do whatever they think is right (and they talk about women wanting to be right) it goes both ways! But everyone will crack and break away from their old habits on their own. No one can force anyone but themselves to honestly change.

The best thing about being upfront about things that happen daily in your life is just feeling like yourself. Sometimes holding back isn't the answer.  Finding a way to export emotions: happy-sad- to whatever emotion: is a gift. Even if its a notebook where you write your heart out, brining it out is a relief.

Try it out!

Peace&love,

Alba

Was stuck..BUT FREE 2014

Hey Guys,

It has been such a long time since I have logged on and wrote a blog and I definitely have missed it. Terribly!

The thing is, being completely honest. Being an artist is just plain hard. Not to say that it is so difficult that it isn't possible but to the point where you can get lost, stuck, muted, and really confused. Just like in any other career, but as a actress/painter/writer WHATEVER IT IS;  being muted is NO BUENO. So many ideas run through my head constantly, that I wish there was a cord plugged into my head and wrote and recorded everything so I can grasp every awesome idea/dream I have ever had. (My sister laughs at me when I tell her this!)

But it's not like that. Not at all, and I swear the best ideas come to you at the most random times and places. It's something I have to work on. Like jotting them down on my notes on my iPhone haaha ( I have so many notes is ridiculous!) and actually writing them on here. So get excited because I am going to be writing more frequently and will update my you tube channel.. stay tuned!mwuaha!

Being blocked (not purposely of course) is just aggravating, because your potential and dedication is there, just not 100% available for you to reach and just LET GO! AND BE FREE!

It is like a singer who has sang all her life to herself and family members and then believes she grew out of it because she got older. So she looks for another career to fulfill her happiness, but can't seem to find one that makes her as happy as when she used to sing just for fun. UNLOCK YOUR HAPPINESS

When the idea of fear enters the mind…..it changes everything. SO THEY SAY! … B.S

But does it really? Physically? Of course not, yet why do we still act as if fear was a Big wheeled truck ready to crush us? If we were to tell it "NO I DONT FEAR YOU FEAR!" what could it possibly do to us? NOT A DAMN THANG!

The truth is we control fear. It does not just appear out of no where. It comes from within us, in our minds. We thought about it, and we told ourselves that we are afraid of whatever it is. And then act on not CONCURRING OUR FEAR. (our just beating the crap our of ha!)

See, it really is easy to step on fear and tell it to disappear. Everyone talks about YOLO (You only live once). But why would you want to live the rest of your life in fear? What fun is that? Live your life to the fullest right?

And what if you don't have that opportunity knocking on your door again? And as soon as you said no, your immediate instincts smacked you secretly and just told you how dumb that decision was. What if that was the perfect time for your path to impress you and show you your real potential that you had no idea was in you?

You will live to regret that moment, then later forgive yourself and continue searching for your happiness in your path. Living every moment.

What I am trying to say is, ignore what others say about your decisions. Acknowledge your negative thoughts, and prove them wrong by creating positive outcomes that truly make you happy. Making others happy will not always fulfill your happiness and that is a fact. Because "you only live once"

YOU ALWAYS COME FIRST.

Sound selfish? eh, not really. We come into the world alone, we leave alone and what matters is our journey here, right now in this very moment.

It's time to be a little selfish for once and do what you want. Nothing is impossible. EVERYTHING is possible. Believe in yourself and give yourself credit, because you are important in this world. There is only one of you EVER.

Stop living in the past and in the future. Live in this very moment and conquer your happiness and love.

And your path will roll out, right in front of you without you noticing that it was destiny all along.

Peace&love,

Alba