I have been doing a lot of reminiscing and thinking back to situations when I was younger that use to make me mad. No matter what the situation is, I know now we have no control over what and how people react and do things. Because at the end of any situation in life we always have a choice.
Yes, i said it. A CHOICE. A move we can make.
I am an analyzer, and also a libra lol. So before I make any move I really have to think about situations.
But this isn't about me. It's more about forgiving yourself after an argument or something you did that hurt another person.
You must be thinking, "Forgiving yourself? Alba don't you mean forgiving the other person that made you upset?"
Well yes, you have to (or choose to) forgive them, but before you forgive them, you MUST really forgive yourself. How can forgiving yourself help you?
Lets first start with letting that tension go. Getting angry takes away more energy than being happy. Its a fact. So while your upset about a situation that you can't really control or if its not going the way you planned, you are already wasting your energy mad about it then really trying to solve it or let it go in its own direction.
May sound a little confusing, but observe another fight or situation you or someone else may be in, and you will see! I promise.
I am going to share with you a VERY personal story, that made me feel mad, upset, angry, pissed, sad, ... EVERYTHING.
I was a senior in high school, and graduation was coming up. In about 4-5 days. My class and I were going on senior trips, excited for the big day. That Wednesday our class was going paint balling. While everyone was outside getting their cars ready, some one told me my principal was looking for me. I got called into the principals office to face the worst news of my life (at that moment).
*Mind you, during my college application phase earlier that year, I literally kept receiving rejection after rejection. No acceptances, but 2 out of my list. I was frustrated and depressed. Seeing all my friends get acceptances while I was getting rejected was probably the hardest. Going to a College Prep school wasn't helping the situation in any way. I ended up getting a full scholarship to do a gap year in Brazil (which was my life saver at such a down peak). *Happy dance*
But back to the story. My principal told me I wouldn't be graduating with my class (which was 2 days BEFORE graduadtion). Because of an end of the year research paper in which I failed by TWO points. (I never failed a class in my whole middle-high school life)... I broke down, I pleaded to just walk on the aisle with an empty diploma and make up my paper.
She didn't budge. What I wanted most in my life at the time was my dad to see me cross the stage. He moved to Florida when I was 11 and he was traveling to my hometown, Boston for my graduation. I kid you not, that is all I wanted, to hear the words "I am proud."
I committed to my middle and high school so much; throughout my passion of clubs and any leadership roles I can grasp. And I never failed a class before! Never would I have thought I wouldn't have walked with my class.
The point? Well after that situation, I HATED every teacher in my school that existed. I felt like they looked down on me because:
a) I wasn't going straight into college
b) I didn't graduate with my class
I felt like everyone was against me. My parents didn't understand, my family was not really supportive of me going off for a year out of the country. It felt like everything was just going down hill.
But once I left the U.S, I realized I still held a lot of that hate within me. And I kid you not I felt it in my chest like a big ball wanting to just explode. And thats exactly what I did. I talked about the situation with my friends abroad and just cried. I yelled, I swam in the water to let all that held in energy completely go...FREE. But what really helped me was writing.
I chose to forgive myself, and remind myself that I did nothing wrong. That I am valuable and I am unique. Remind myself, that my path may be the one I hadn't planned, but it sure was going to make me happy no matter what problem came across.
Then little by little I began to forgive everyone else. Not like I told them "I forgive you". But in my sanctuary place. Where only I knew. I had truly forgave them and did not keep ahold of any sort of grudge. Didn't happen over night, but over months.
There is always an outlet. You just have to find your own outlet, the one that truly frees you from any sort of negative energy that YOU do not really need in your life to truly be happy.
The challenge is to be aware and consistent with forgiveness. There is always a challenge you can over come.
Peace&Love,
Alba
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