Forgiveness is Hard Enough, but is it?

I have been doing a lot of reminiscing and thinking back to situations when I was younger that use to make me mad. No matter what the situation is, I know now we have no control over what and how people react and do things.  Because at the end of any situation in life we always have a choice.

Yes, i said it. A CHOICE. A move we can make.

I am an analyzer, and also a libra lol. So before I make any move I really have to think about situations.

But this isn't about me.  It's more about forgiving yourself after an argument or something you did that hurt another person.

You must be thinking, "Forgiving yourself? Alba don't you mean forgiving the other person that made you upset?"

Well yes, you have to (or choose to) forgive them, but before you forgive them, you MUST really forgive yourself. How can forgiving yourself help you?

Lets first start with letting that tension go.  Getting angry takes away more energy than being happy. Its a fact.  So while your upset about a situation that you can't really control or if its not going the way you planned, you are already wasting your energy mad about it then really trying to solve it or let it go in its own direction.

May sound a little confusing, but observe another fight or situation you or someone else may be in, and you will see! I promise.

I am going to share with you a VERY personal story, that made me feel mad, upset, angry, pissed, sad, ... EVERYTHING.

I was a senior in high school, and graduation was coming up. In about 4-5 days. My class and I were going on senior trips, excited for the big day. That Wednesday our class was going paint balling. While everyone was outside getting their cars ready, some one told me my principal was looking for me. I got called into the principals office to face the worst news of my life (at that moment).

*Mind you,  during my college application phase earlier that year, I literally kept receiving rejection after rejection. No acceptances, but 2 out of my list. I was frustrated and depressed. Seeing all my friends get acceptances while I was getting rejected was probably the hardest. Going to a College Prep school wasn't helping the situation in any way.  I ended up getting a full scholarship to do a gap year in Brazil (which was my life saver at such a down peak). *Happy dance*

But back to the story. My principal told me I wouldn't be graduating with my class (which was 2 days BEFORE graduadtion).  Because of an end of the year research paper in which I failed by TWO points. (I never failed a class in my whole middle-high school life)... I broke down, I pleaded to just walk on the aisle with an empty diploma and make up my paper.

She didn't budge. What I wanted most in my life at the time was my dad to see me cross the stage. He moved to Florida when I was 11 and he was traveling to my hometown, Boston for my graduation. I kid you not, that is all I wanted, to hear the words "I am proud."

I committed to my middle and high school so much; throughout my passion of clubs and any leadership roles I can grasp. And I never failed a class before! Never would I have thought I wouldn't have walked with my class.

The point? Well after that situation, I HATED every teacher in my school that existed. I felt like they looked down on me because:

 a) I wasn't going straight into college
 b) I didn't graduate with my class

I felt like everyone was against me. My parents didn't understand, my family was not really supportive of me going off for a year out of the country. It felt like everything was just going down hill.

But once I left the U.S, I realized I still held a lot of that hate within me. And I kid you not I felt it in my chest like a big ball wanting to just explode. And thats exactly what I did.  I talked about the situation with my friends abroad and just cried. I yelled, I swam in the water to let all that held in energy completely go...FREE. But what really helped me was writing.

I chose to forgive myself, and remind myself that I did nothing wrong. That I am valuable and I am unique. Remind myself, that my path may be the one I hadn't planned, but it sure was going to make me happy no matter what problem came across.

Then little by little I began to forgive everyone else. Not like I told them "I forgive you".  But in my sanctuary place. Where only I knew.  I had truly forgave them and did not keep ahold of any sort of grudge. Didn't happen over night, but over months.

There is always an outlet. You just have to find your own outlet, the one that truly frees you from any sort of negative energy that YOU do not really need in your life to truly be happy.

The challenge is to be aware and consistent with forgiveness. There is always a challenge you can over come.


Peace&Love,

Alba

Owe $, but don't know where to start?

He guys,

Actually owing someone something…hmmmm ? This is a very touchy subject to talk about since we all don't like to borrow. But what frustrates me is when someone does a favor for you and puts it in your face that you "owe" them something. 

.... First, if you didn't want to the favor from the kindness of your heart than why do it all? Seriously. 

Secondly, The consistency of hearing the nagging and bragging on how you owe someone something back is annoying. (For example) What if your at the point where you can't give them the money you borrowed and would love to give it to them but financially can't right now. How to explain it? To your friend, your family, your boss? How can you make them understand where your coming from?

Thirdly, it's about working together. If you feel the person dodging you purposely, you might as well explain how you are feeling about the situation. "Hinting" at owing money makes situations awkward and unclear. Work together not against. 

from: bawldguy.com 

The solution is clear however most of us don't even do it. Hey I for sure "owe" a lot of things and really wish I could unleash myself from "owing back". But I'm figuring out a way.  It starts off with communication, not "bitching" but communicate effectively on your situation, what your willing to do to "pay your owe", how it bothers you when they bring the situation up in front of others when it's really between you and the other person, how it really makes you feel. I know you must be thinking "oh how emotional can this person get" but this is the problem within the human population. We want to hide how we feel, which leads to making situations worse, and how we feel inside even worse. 

It starts off with realizing you have pain within you that is held back, and forgiving yourself, others in order to move forward. Communicate and situations will come out smooth, positive, and effective. What you put into a situation is what you will receive. 

There is always a formula!!!  

Peace&love,

Alba

Don't you want real news?

Hey guys!

Something that has always bothered me is why doesn't the news actually tell us what we really need to know? All these news stations say the same exact thing, trying to move our attention or blind us to the reality of current news.

Like what really happens behind closed doors when the cameras are off?

How this came up to me is because I graduated high school with out knowing a lick about REAL life. I mean loans, stocks, bills, investment plans, health and life insurance,  retirement plans, The real things we actually need to know about in life! You know? 

Thank God my first job was at a financial advisor's office!

Why in the world won't schools teach us the things we need to know. Each teacher will tell you the same B.S. example math teacher : "your going to need to know this when you get in the real world" shut up!!! Half the things I learned in school have not popped up in my life. Hey don't get me wrong I love math, it was my favorite and best class since k-1, but seriously unless I am an accountant I don't need most of that s*€%$ ! 

The real problem is the system not feeding us the right and real information. It's all about controlling the people blahblahblah. It's not fair to us, if we make most of the population on earth why lie to us through media? Well my first answer to my own question would simply be business. Everything is a business. Even marriage.  If we all have to pay for a marriage license, and most of us get divorced ( which is way more $ than the stupid license) , the state will  clearly make more money off of everyone getting divorced.  (Hey these are my opinions and theories lol! ) 

But if you guys disagree or have your own opinions please do share in a comment below!

This all came about bc I always see people on the subway with newspapers of scattered news. 

Peace&love,

Alba

Do you stop and think that your alone?

Hey Guys!

Lately I have been so busy doing so many things it feels like I never have time for myself.  But when I stop and think for one second and realize I am not alone, I can't help but smile.  Because people usually feel alone when their doing their thing in terms of working or "grinding" and focusing on them. Hey I am not going to lie, sometimes I do! What I really want to talk about is the value of friendship.

How beautiful it is to be YOURSELF 100% of the time around someone that knows you so well and loves, supports you all the way.

I was never really a only child, I mean I was for a while, but my father had four other kids before me with my stepmom and I was always surrounded by my older sisters when I would visit them in New York.  I always lived in Boston, but I was my mom's first child.  Growing up was not as hard as I would have thought (I also had step brothers and sisters) So I was always surrounded by many people and of course my cousins. I only had one- three people that really knew me. We were close and shared everything with each other.  But as we grow up our imagination gets smaller and we tend to throw away a lot of what we think about because our focus is on other things.

Friendship is something so beautiful that everyone encounters in sometime in their life. There are bad moments and sad moments but when you see the progress youre friendship/ relationship has made in just 5 years; you realize how much you care for one another. Also how much you both have grown as an individual and as a team.

Moving away from my small hometown to the loud, fast pace New York City has shown me that friendships are always going to present themselves no matter where and what state of mind I am in. (Even though you can get lost in NYC) The hard part is always showing appreciation frequently and letting the other person know how much you truly care for them.

But in all relationships come hardships, what matters at the end of the day is that you participate in the relationship, because thats what its really about. Working together as a team! 50/50! And always being their no matter the distance!

Whats one thing you do to keep you're friendships strong?

Peace&love,
Alba

3 ways to not "cheat"!

Hey Guys,

Lately I have been thinking about my "cheating days". Because I have been having so many :( But hey at least I am aware of it .. right? Temptation is always knocking on the door in anything that we want to change for the better. I have learned that in order to completely change my whole entire way of eating I have to take baby steps. That is extremely hard for me because I like to pull extreme makeovers in my life! But the reality of going from not so healthy to having a healthy lifestyle will be the real challenge.

So my top 3 ways to not have Cheating days! (Just have one for the week?)

1) LEAVE YOUR ATM CARD OR CREDIT CARD AT HOME.

I know this is probably the hardest one for me because I bring my debit card with me for emergency reasons but its worth a try!

2) BRING SNACKS WITH YOU SO YOU WON'T BE TEMPTED.

If you are always on the go, taking trains and buses and find yourself being surrounded by all the fast food resturants etc, bring your own healthy snack! Bagged up fruit, any type of nuts, homemade treats that you know will knock your hunger while you are out and bout.

3)  PREVENT FEELING.

I am not sure if everyone feels a certain way after eating out (McDonalds, Popeyes, etc) But I do, its more or so the type of feeling like "uh I am so full and feel so fat and bloated like I can't breathe, but while I was eating the fries it was tasting so right but now.. I wish I didn't even purchase it" So if you know the end result before hand, remember you don't want that feeling so prevent it.

Bonus: Have one TREAT DAY and enjoy your favorite thing! I am addicted to chocolate : kit cats, m&m's anything that is milk chocolate I adore. But I have slowly been dipping my way into dark chocolate since it is better for you.  It is a bit bitter but still kills my craving for "milk chocolate". 

Have more way of not "cheating" Comment and share!

Remember trying is key!

peace&love,

Alba

A little twist is all you need

Hey dolls!

Holy cow can I just say I feel like a kid getting reading glasses for the first time, relieved! 

So I signed up for a free acting workshop about three weeks ago. Apparently the workshop was today and I was rushing to get to the workshop, (hey it was free!) I wa super excited even invited my homegirl but she already had plans :( . So I am looking for the workshop in the building full of tons of other studios and asking everyone in the elevator if they where there for the workshop too; but everyone gave me a face. Not a mean face but a " i don't know what you are talking about, I am in a rush to my class, hope you find wherever your going" face. You know what I mean? 

I get to the 4th floor because security said it was there, and it's a dead space. On my left I see people giving hugs to eachother and I am like ; hey I don't know you guys and it feels like I am lost :'(. 

I ask a girl on her laptop if she know where the workshop was and she's like "ummm.." And on my right there is  a teacher trying to open her studio room fidgeting with her keys. She turns around and asks me, " what are you looking for?" And I tell her the whole story and she tells me it's on the 5th floor and to have fun! 

So here I am on the elevator trying to hurry up and get to the workshop. I get to the fifth floor and everything is empty, well the hallways are. But I hear classes going on. I see one studio door opened and I am thinking, how very welcoming (thinking this is the studio for the free workshop). I walk into the room to find a guy with his legs up on a chair, chomping  on ice, typing on his laptop. I ask him if this was for the workshop and he's like that studio is not in this building. I am freaking out thinking it was a scam (beware!) 

But it turns out he was a teacher and the owner of the acting school we were standing in. He was explaining to me how the school came about. And I really was agreeing with many facts and scenarios he was bringing up. He even showed me a small clip of how the school came about. He explained to me that acting is not to act or learn how to act. He said it is about really living your life in any situation. That usually actors are told to do an action or to feel from a similar situation and most of them get stuck and hit a wall; beause they are not really feeling what they REALLY feel at that very moment. (Sounds like meisner, but totaly different). He kept going into detail about what I should be looking for within training: I should be looking for professional training and trying to master being free. He wasn't trying to sell his school so much but he was really feeding me this interesting knowledge that I have thought about but was very unclear.

THIS WAS CRAZY, because it felt like it was what I needed, he laid the clarity that I really needed to hear! (Since it was very fuzzy in my cute brain) ha!

Let me tell you, I came out of tht studio feeling a little brand new, (strange must I say!) as if my perspective was changed, as if a big weight was taken off my shoulder. I felt amazing! (Of course I took his card!) but what does this even mean? 

I guess I gotta figure this out for the next part that connects to this puzzle piece!

Who would of thought a city so busy could give you clarity?

Peace&love,

Alba