To matter is to .. Change!

I'm sitting at a sushi place with my book in my hand and I can't help but listen to the conversation next to me (I know nosy me)! It's two older ladies around mid 60's super cool and down to earth women. And the direct line that drove me into their conversation that I have been hearing from a lot of older people for some time now; that really built a spark in my response: " I wish I can just go back in time and understand things differently. Not change anything in particular but learn about myself and situations." This right here is so real. It just is.

But I find in my response, how many older people believe that their time of understanding life has finished? It's merely just beginning if you are realizing this beautiful thing. You want more, you feel stuck and uncomfortable.. But feeling this weird feeling is ok, the discomfort is really what motivates to come out of your comfort zone.

Nobody wants to be in the same dimension in their lives forever, yet we fear change. Yes it's different, its a terrifying what "could" happen but what if that was your chance to really seek the peak of happiness you ever wanted? 

Wouldn't you want to live your life by facing your fears and saying "oh well" than,  "what if's?"

I invite you to try something new everyday or every week, I invite you to not think so much about some situations and go with your own gur feeling before sharing with anyone else. Because you matter! 

With much love&peace

Alba

Afraid to love?

In my last relationship a couple years ago, I realized (years later) I wasn't in the relationship because I wanted to. It was because I wanted love. I needed love. I wanted someone to constantly make me happy. Even If I didn't love the person truly - deep down, I told myself that I eventually would. That's where I suffered internally. (This will make sense once you read down, promise!) 

In relationships we like to look for our significant other as "our other halves". That's one of first mistakes we do. We are so eager to find love that we don't even realize love is all around us. We have love inside us, but we don't see this as love.

People are starving for love, and when they taste just a little from someone else, it creates a big need and a wanting.

We create dramas when people believe they don't have love. 

"What am I going to do if he leaves me" " how can I live without her" : these are the dramas. 

All suffering, begins because of long ago we closed our hearts and we no longer feel the love that is even there. Some time in our life we became afraid to love, because we believed love isn't fair. "Love hurts." We try to be good enough for someone else and wanted to be accepted by someone else and we failed.  Already having a few lovers, a few broken hearts and that is when we give up. We don't trust love because we gave it a chance a couple times and to love again is to risk to much.

But.....

If we don't have any love for ourselves, how in the world can we pretend to share the love with someone else?

Going into a relationship we become needy and selfish. It all about me and what I want. We want "someone who needs me" to justify our existence. We think we are searching for love but in reality we are searching for "someone who needs me" someone who we can control.  (hence my introduction.) 

What we call love "someone who needs me" isn't love, it's selfishness. Selfishness does not work because there is simply no love there. 

Both people in the relationship are starving for love.

In the sex they have, they both taste a little love and it becomes addictive because again, they both are starving for love. 

We search for the best advice and read books that might as well be called "How to be sexually selfish." But where is the love in all of this? There is nothing we need to learn about love. Everything is already in our genes, in our nature. 

Love is everywhere, but we don't have eyes to see because our emotional body is no longer tuned to love. 

We are so afraid to love because it isn't safe to love. Fear of rejection scares us. We project something we are not; and try to be accepted by our significant other when we don't accept ourselves. The real problem is not our significant other rejecting us, it's that we reject ourselves, because we are not good enough, because that's what we believe and tell ourselves.

Self-rejection. You will never be good for yourself when the idea of perfection is wrong. It's a false concept that does not even exist. But yet you believe it. Not being perfect, you reject yourself.

"You can never forgive yourself for not being what you wish to be, and that's the real problem. If you change that, you take care of your half of the relationship. The other half is not your problem." - Don Miguel Ruiz

You have to focus on the most wonderful and important relationship you can ever have: the relationship with yourself!!!!!

Self love, you need to love yourself and then the love will grow more and more! Then later on when you enter a relationship, it is not because you need to be loved, it becomes your choice. And you can see who he really is. When you don't need his love you don't have to lie to yourself. 

You are complete when love is coming out of you and you are not searching for love because you are afraid of being alone. When you have self love you can be alone and there is no problem.

Going into a relationship of any kind, is because we want to share, enjoy, have fun, and not be bored. Looking for a partner to play and enjoy what we are. Just like when were children. We are attracted to other children because we want to play and have fun, not because we want to fight. And If it does happen it's short and over; and we continue to play. Even when we get bored we change the game and the rules but we are exploring all the time!

Start your loving journey and Go love yourself!

Peace&blessings,

Alba

Credit: The Mastery of love by Don Miguel Ruiz

Want to be proud of yourself?

Hey y'all,

As I sit here in Starbucks reading, The Wealthcure by Hill Harper, I was distracted a couple times by a homeless man outside of Rite Aid with a Dunkin Donuts cup in his hand asking for change, while opening doors to customers.

I noticed him conversing with some customers that gave him the cold shoulder; then some people actually gave him change and replied to him decently. 

Then I noticed him speaking to other homeless people walking by. This guy doesn't look aggressive, but nice. I can read his face very clearly. Besides him being homeless; what he really wants is love. He wants to care and feel normal by having a regular conversation with people. Mind you I don't even know this guy, just picking up on some of his gestures!

But most people would walk by quickly without thinking twice about this homeless guy, just because he's homeless. And apperance is usually what we judge first hand. We think we got it together or "oh aren't we glad we are not homeless". Not really knowing their story, we simply look away and forget that he is human too.

That's when appreciation comes in. We love to state that we hate our lives, stressed with work, not enough money, no significant other, fat, etc but rarely give ourselves credit for the things we've had or accomplished in our lives so far. 

Being proud of oneself is hard, yes. But it starts somewhere. It really starts within yourself. Regardless of where you Stand in life, unemployed, alone, depressed; take a Moment to hug yourself. Give yourself credit for having a roof over your head every night, for people that support you, for getting your high school diploma/ GED, for realizing that your not happy where you stand and want to CHANGE that. 

As I mentioned in my previous post, change all does start with the thought process of your mind. YOU know what's best for you. Don't limit yourself because you don't have the resources or finances to reach that goal. BUILD the things you don't have. Research. Create a support system. Creat a plan. And disect it for an everyday goal.

"Everyone has a purpose in life... A unique gift or special talent to give to others." -- Deepak Chopra

You have to find your purpose. And you will see results. 

My connection with the homeless guy?.. I am a firm believer of giving and receiving. So I do give change and my meals to some homeless people I see. I definitely want to dedicate some time in volunteering to the organizations that have guided me in my life. There's no other reward then giving back. It's a great feeling of accomplishment when you give back. Theses small things end up being an investment in yourself. No one can ever take that away.

P.S : The homeless guy walked into Starbucks cracking some jokes to some customers laughing with his friend! Then pointed at me because I smirked at the joke. HA why so serious? Laughing is healthy :)

Comments, questions, opinions? Don't hesitate to write them in the comment section!

Peace&love,

Alba

More money more problems?

I realize the more I'm alone the more I observe. I mean I've been a people watcher since I was little and it always facisnated me. Not to sound like a creep or anything, but when you really take a look at what's happening around you, it gets you more curious.

I've been reading a lot more lately, series, self improvement, and financial literacy books. They have been teaching me so much on how to value yourself and how to maintain wealth. Main topics that I have found in most of my books shocked me. Like the common mentality on the working people, spending habits, value of money, confidence, success, future goals, and living in the moment.

I've always tapped into some of these in conversation, and many of the people I would converse with would agree, disagree and bring up great ideas on how to become a better person in any of the above categories. When you really talk to a friend or a stranger you can feel or analyze their sense of perspective. Not to judge them, just hear them out and listen. That's another thing we love to talk, but never embrace listening. We never talk about creating steps to change our habits, just always wish we had more money to solve our problems. Which it never really does, just like the saying "more money more problems."

Anyways, understanding many more of life's wonders and challenges I always questioned why we work for money and why do we use most of our income to pay our bills? Is there not another way to survive in this world without money, what was the point of money's existence? I've always asked my mom these questions and her immediate response would be, " you better not think like that and start working and learning how to manage money." 

Was I ever wrong to question if I never had an idea about why or how money really works?

My first job at age 15, was at AmeriPrise Finacial office. I was shadowing my Godmother (Financial Adviser) as an Assitant. Making phone calls, faxing, understanding and putting together Financial plans, viewing where people's money really went. I was aware of what was suppose to come when I grew older. 

I just never understood it to the extent I've always asked. 

We always say, "I can't afford it" but work hard all week to spend it on the weekend partying, shopping, or eating.

When all of the fun is over, we feel disappointed. Because looking at those charges and knowing how much we spent, automatically creates a negative vibe of disgust. 

My real point here is, we have to understand, talk, and learn how to manage our income. Lets not be afraid to face what is a little part of life that we praise so much and reevaluate: our attitudes, and how we spend. What is a solution to understand money and be happy in our lives.

My simple answer, is to go out and learn. We as a country highlight school so much, but believe after school is over we should not need to learn anymore. This mindset is what a lot of us must change and be more open to continuing to learn. Especially about the things we do not like to talk about i.e money.

I hope I leave you, on today's post with a little more insight. Remember, embrace failing. 

Free write of the week.

Hey guys,

Here's another free write. Tell me your thoughts! Enjoy.

I've been feeling kinda lost haven't meditated in almost a week. 

I'm feeling like I'm here but not really here. My mind feels empty, but I'm constantly doing things.

That- I know will benefit me, but I pause.

Just for a second, to just listen. First in forever where I can't finish reading a page of my book. Or listen to music. I'm not sad I'm not physically lost. 

I keep living in the moment holy thinking about the future. Thinking this is the only game out here to play..

they say inspiration is always given, and when you know you want it, you expect it. 

But listen for a second, stop the whole world and listen. 

Your soul has been wanting to vibrate and give you the best energy you never knew even existed. 

Inspiration comes to those who aren't looking for it 

It is a gift from the precious universe 

And when the universe gives you a sign.... It's a SIGN

To let go and be free 

Free write

Hey y'all, I'll be posting a free write / poem/ spoken word once every two weeks on my blog. 

I haven't written much poetry or free writes in a while and I truly just miss it. 

Hope you enjoy.

         Hurt

Angry, 

when you have no control of what's pumping through your veins & 

Your sick of these comments that are all driving you insane. 

When the woman in your life, that you want to make happy and proud

she chooses when to love you & chooses when to stomp on you.

When you give her advice because you want to see her happy, but she's stuck & she knows it & she chooses to stay there, in that same situation

When there is opportunity to be loved - to love. But her heart is on hold-

On lock down& you can't even calm her down

Because it's offensive because you are wrong, because you always do the evil or the bad in the eyes of God-

Because your career isn't sh*# and you might as well be a striper since you carry no dignity & respect according to her.

Because you don't work hard enough and you don't make a living, or have a real job that will be proven on your taxes.

Because your younger and stupid & apparently don't know anything about life.

But being you.

It's not enough, it's a crime, since speaking your mind is a violation. 

Not determination. Of life

A sickness a disease of trying to show your own mother love and share real happiness in her very own light.

But it's reject e d-

& all you can do is love her. 

Forgiveness is Hard Enough, but is it?

I have been doing a lot of reminiscing and thinking back to situations when I was younger that use to make me mad. No matter what the situation is, I know now we have no control over what and how people react and do things.  Because at the end of any situation in life we always have a choice.

Yes, i said it. A CHOICE. A move we can make.

I am an analyzer, and also a libra lol. So before I make any move I really have to think about situations.

But this isn't about me.  It's more about forgiving yourself after an argument or something you did that hurt another person.

You must be thinking, "Forgiving yourself? Alba don't you mean forgiving the other person that made you upset?"

Well yes, you have to (or choose to) forgive them, but before you forgive them, you MUST really forgive yourself. How can forgiving yourself help you?

Lets first start with letting that tension go.  Getting angry takes away more energy than being happy. Its a fact.  So while your upset about a situation that you can't really control or if its not going the way you planned, you are already wasting your energy mad about it then really trying to solve it or let it go in its own direction.

May sound a little confusing, but observe another fight or situation you or someone else may be in, and you will see! I promise.

I am going to share with you a VERY personal story, that made me feel mad, upset, angry, pissed, sad, ... EVERYTHING.

I was a senior in high school, and graduation was coming up. In about 4-5 days. My class and I were going on senior trips, excited for the big day. That Wednesday our class was going paint balling. While everyone was outside getting their cars ready, some one told me my principal was looking for me. I got called into the principals office to face the worst news of my life (at that moment).

*Mind you,  during my college application phase earlier that year, I literally kept receiving rejection after rejection. No acceptances, but 2 out of my list. I was frustrated and depressed. Seeing all my friends get acceptances while I was getting rejected was probably the hardest. Going to a College Prep school wasn't helping the situation in any way.  I ended up getting a full scholarship to do a gap year in Brazil (which was my life saver at such a down peak). *Happy dance*

But back to the story. My principal told me I wouldn't be graduating with my class (which was 2 days BEFORE graduadtion).  Because of an end of the year research paper in which I failed by TWO points. (I never failed a class in my whole middle-high school life)... I broke down, I pleaded to just walk on the aisle with an empty diploma and make up my paper.

She didn't budge. What I wanted most in my life at the time was my dad to see me cross the stage. He moved to Florida when I was 11 and he was traveling to my hometown, Boston for my graduation. I kid you not, that is all I wanted, to hear the words "I am proud."

I committed to my middle and high school so much; throughout my passion of clubs and any leadership roles I can grasp. And I never failed a class before! Never would I have thought I wouldn't have walked with my class.

The point? Well after that situation, I HATED every teacher in my school that existed. I felt like they looked down on me because:

 a) I wasn't going straight into college
 b) I didn't graduate with my class

I felt like everyone was against me. My parents didn't understand, my family was not really supportive of me going off for a year out of the country. It felt like everything was just going down hill.

But once I left the U.S, I realized I still held a lot of that hate within me. And I kid you not I felt it in my chest like a big ball wanting to just explode. And thats exactly what I did.  I talked about the situation with my friends abroad and just cried. I yelled, I swam in the water to let all that held in energy completely go...FREE. But what really helped me was writing.

I chose to forgive myself, and remind myself that I did nothing wrong. That I am valuable and I am unique. Remind myself, that my path may be the one I hadn't planned, but it sure was going to make me happy no matter what problem came across.

Then little by little I began to forgive everyone else. Not like I told them "I forgive you".  But in my sanctuary place. Where only I knew.  I had truly forgave them and did not keep ahold of any sort of grudge. Didn't happen over night, but over months.

There is always an outlet. You just have to find your own outlet, the one that truly frees you from any sort of negative energy that YOU do not really need in your life to truly be happy.

The challenge is to be aware and consistent with forgiveness. There is always a challenge you can over come.


Peace&Love,

Alba