Afraid to love?

In my last relationship a couple years ago, I realized (years later) I wasn't in the relationship because I wanted to. It was because I wanted love. I needed love. I wanted someone to constantly make me happy. Even If I didn't love the person truly - deep down, I told myself that I eventually would. That's where I suffered internally. (This will make sense once you read down, promise!) 

In relationships we like to look for our significant other as "our other halves". That's one of first mistakes we do. We are so eager to find love that we don't even realize love is all around us. We have love inside us, but we don't see this as love.

People are starving for love, and when they taste just a little from someone else, it creates a big need and a wanting.

We create dramas when people believe they don't have love. 

"What am I going to do if he leaves me" " how can I live without her" : these are the dramas. 

All suffering, begins because of long ago we closed our hearts and we no longer feel the love that is even there. Some time in our life we became afraid to love, because we believed love isn't fair. "Love hurts." We try to be good enough for someone else and wanted to be accepted by someone else and we failed.  Already having a few lovers, a few broken hearts and that is when we give up. We don't trust love because we gave it a chance a couple times and to love again is to risk to much.

But.....

If we don't have any love for ourselves, how in the world can we pretend to share the love with someone else?

Going into a relationship we become needy and selfish. It all about me and what I want. We want "someone who needs me" to justify our existence. We think we are searching for love but in reality we are searching for "someone who needs me" someone who we can control.  (hence my introduction.) 

What we call love "someone who needs me" isn't love, it's selfishness. Selfishness does not work because there is simply no love there. 

Both people in the relationship are starving for love.

In the sex they have, they both taste a little love and it becomes addictive because again, they both are starving for love. 

We search for the best advice and read books that might as well be called "How to be sexually selfish." But where is the love in all of this? There is nothing we need to learn about love. Everything is already in our genes, in our nature. 

Love is everywhere, but we don't have eyes to see because our emotional body is no longer tuned to love. 

We are so afraid to love because it isn't safe to love. Fear of rejection scares us. We project something we are not; and try to be accepted by our significant other when we don't accept ourselves. The real problem is not our significant other rejecting us, it's that we reject ourselves, because we are not good enough, because that's what we believe and tell ourselves.

Self-rejection. You will never be good for yourself when the idea of perfection is wrong. It's a false concept that does not even exist. But yet you believe it. Not being perfect, you reject yourself.

"You can never forgive yourself for not being what you wish to be, and that's the real problem. If you change that, you take care of your half of the relationship. The other half is not your problem." - Don Miguel Ruiz

You have to focus on the most wonderful and important relationship you can ever have: the relationship with yourself!!!!!

Self love, you need to love yourself and then the love will grow more and more! Then later on when you enter a relationship, it is not because you need to be loved, it becomes your choice. And you can see who he really is. When you don't need his love you don't have to lie to yourself. 

You are complete when love is coming out of you and you are not searching for love because you are afraid of being alone. When you have self love you can be alone and there is no problem.

Going into a relationship of any kind, is because we want to share, enjoy, have fun, and not be bored. Looking for a partner to play and enjoy what we are. Just like when were children. We are attracted to other children because we want to play and have fun, not because we want to fight. And If it does happen it's short and over; and we continue to play. Even when we get bored we change the game and the rules but we are exploring all the time!

Start your loving journey and Go love yourself!

Peace&blessings,

Alba

Credit: The Mastery of love by Don Miguel Ruiz

Want to be proud of yourself?

Hey y'all,

As I sit here in Starbucks reading, The Wealthcure by Hill Harper, I was distracted a couple times by a homeless man outside of Rite Aid with a Dunkin Donuts cup in his hand asking for change, while opening doors to customers.

I noticed him conversing with some customers that gave him the cold shoulder; then some people actually gave him change and replied to him decently. 

Then I noticed him speaking to other homeless people walking by. This guy doesn't look aggressive, but nice. I can read his face very clearly. Besides him being homeless; what he really wants is love. He wants to care and feel normal by having a regular conversation with people. Mind you I don't even know this guy, just picking up on some of his gestures!

But most people would walk by quickly without thinking twice about this homeless guy, just because he's homeless. And apperance is usually what we judge first hand. We think we got it together or "oh aren't we glad we are not homeless". Not really knowing their story, we simply look away and forget that he is human too.

That's when appreciation comes in. We love to state that we hate our lives, stressed with work, not enough money, no significant other, fat, etc but rarely give ourselves credit for the things we've had or accomplished in our lives so far. 

Being proud of oneself is hard, yes. But it starts somewhere. It really starts within yourself. Regardless of where you Stand in life, unemployed, alone, depressed; take a Moment to hug yourself. Give yourself credit for having a roof over your head every night, for people that support you, for getting your high school diploma/ GED, for realizing that your not happy where you stand and want to CHANGE that. 

As I mentioned in my previous post, change all does start with the thought process of your mind. YOU know what's best for you. Don't limit yourself because you don't have the resources or finances to reach that goal. BUILD the things you don't have. Research. Create a support system. Creat a plan. And disect it for an everyday goal.

"Everyone has a purpose in life... A unique gift or special talent to give to others." -- Deepak Chopra

You have to find your purpose. And you will see results. 

My connection with the homeless guy?.. I am a firm believer of giving and receiving. So I do give change and my meals to some homeless people I see. I definitely want to dedicate some time in volunteering to the organizations that have guided me in my life. There's no other reward then giving back. It's a great feeling of accomplishment when you give back. Theses small things end up being an investment in yourself. No one can ever take that away.

P.S : The homeless guy walked into Starbucks cracking some jokes to some customers laughing with his friend! Then pointed at me because I smirked at the joke. HA why so serious? Laughing is healthy :)

Comments, questions, opinions? Don't hesitate to write them in the comment section!

Peace&love,

Alba